Dear professor,

Thanks for that wonderfully respectful and kind e-mail. It really makes me feel confident in your desire to help us students grow and learn from your wisdom. I mean, I am just so excited to come to your class and here more about how stupid and irresponsible I am. I am also incredibly anxious to hear more about your work. All of your work, every single day, because you truly are God’s gift to creative writing. I am stunned by your eloquent prose, in which you informed me that February 2 is, indeed, one week away. I would have no idea that my birthday was so close if you hadn’t told me that I had an assignment due on that day. You can bet that I’m not going to miss a single class now that you told me that I really should show up. I genuinely thought it was optional! How silly I’ve been. That could explain all the F’s. Thanks again.

Your humble servant,
The Writing Student